Sage Reflections: Dr. Samra Zafar

"Hurting People Hurt People."

Last week, I published Episode 1 of my new show, Sage Advice. The inaugural conversation was with someone who has become a dear friend, mentor, and big sister: Dr. Samra Zafar.

To be at my best, I needed to have fun. And so I went into the conversation completely dark. I didn’t know how Dr. Zafar would respond to my questions. And beyond the general narrative arc, spread across what I've dubbed as the "wisdom triplets"—enduring wisdom, unsettled wisdom, and legacy wisdom—she didn't know what I would ask. What we saw and heard together—and I include you, the learner, in that equation—was completely spontaneous and organic. And as such, I've been processing her sage advice in real time. A week later, here are my reflections. I'd love to hear yours in the comments.

1. Enduring Wisdom

"Hurting People Hurt People." - Dr. Samra Zafar

When Samra first said this, I’ll be honest—I almost missed it. It sounded too familiar. But the weight of her words crept in slowly, then all at once.

This wasn’t a cliché. This was lived wisdom. A truth earned across decades of pain, healing, and rigorous inquiry. And like all great truths, it arrived simply.

I’ve spent the last ten years carrying unresolved trauma. I’ve hurt people I love—not intentionally, but by shutting down, disconnecting, numbing. All trauma responses. The person I hurt the most? Myself.

Her words gave me language for what I’ve long felt. And maybe, just maybe, gave me the key to finally close a few doors… and open new ones.

2. Unsettled Wisdom

"Everything Happens for a Reason." - Dr. Samra Zafar

I’m still wrestling with this one. I used to hate that phrase—especially after my broken engagement.

I loved my ex. I wanted to build a life with her. But our families didn’t get along, and the relationship ended with the kind of heartbreak you don’t talk about. When people asked, I used a pseudonym. I buried the story so deep, not even my wife knows it all.

Back then, hearing “everything happens for a reason” felt like a slap. My family said it. Friends said it. I didn’t want cosmic explanations—I just wanted my partner back.

But time has softened the edges. Maybe the reason was Bailey. Maybe the reason was me, becoming who I needed to be. And yet... I still believe there’s a version of me in another brand of the multiverse who married his university sweetheart and is happy. I catch glimpses of him in friends who did just that.

So no, it hasn’t settled yet. But I’m listening.

3. Legacy Wisdom

"Make Love Stronger Than Hate." - Dr. Samra Zafar

This line broke me. On the show. In the studio. In the best possible way.

Because I’ve arrived at the same truth. And not gently. It took a decade. It took everything. And I know what kind of journey Samra had to walk to arrive here too.

To hear someone with her brilliance, her authority, her experience say what I’ve long believed in my bones—it gave me permission to keep going. We need voices like hers providing cover fire while the rest of us work to rewire leadership from the inside out.

Love over fear. Love over control. Love over systems built to divide.

4. Quotable Wisdom

Some sage gems from Episode 1 worth revisiting:

• "It’s not hurt people who hurt people. It’s hurting people who hurt people." – Dr. Samra Zafar

• "Healing isn’t guaranteed—it’s available. But you have to reach out." – Dr. Samra Zafar

• "Lead with love. Lead with hope. Lead with connection instead of disconnection." – Dr. Samra Zafar

• "Our resilience lies in our collective and shared humanity." – Dr. Samra Zafar

• "You don’t have to be unbroken to begin. You just have to begin." – Hamza Khan

• "Forgiveness doesn’t mean reunion. Compassion doesn’t require reentry." – Dr. Samra Zafar

• "Even the smallest act of kindness has the power to change a life." – Dr. Samra Zafar

• "Selflessness is not a virtue if it means being less of yourself." – Dr. Samra Zafar

• "Time doesn’t heal all wounds—intention does." – Dr. Samra Zafar

• "You are not here because of what happened to you. You are here in spite of it." – Dr. Samra Zafar

• "You cannot pour from an empty cup, nor should you be expected to." – Hamza Khan

• "Empathy without boundaries is self-destruction." – Dr. Samra Zafar

• "When I saw that girl on the book cover, I finally said: Thank you. You don’t need to be afraid anymore. We got this." – Dr. Samra Zafar

• "No one can see your dream but you. No one can hear your inner voice but you. That’s all you need." – Dr. Samra Zafar

• "If we were all supposed to die the same way we were born, what’s the point of life?" – Dr. Samra Zafar

5. Emerging Wisdom

In my recent keynotes on hope, I invite people to reconnect with their inner child—not as a wound to fix, but as a compass. A co-pilot. A source of awe and vitality.

This theme is central to my next book. I believe that hope lives in intentional action—especially the act of remembering who you were, and honoring that child with love and truth.

When Dr. Zafar described looking at her book cover—the teenage version of herself staring back—and saying, “Thank you. We got this,” I felt it. Deeply. That’s what healing looks like. Integration. Gratitude. Wholeness.

I hope Dr. Zafar brings this invitation into her keynotes. I hope she encourages others to do what she did: close their eyes, summon the child they once were, and say something kind. Because in a world where leaders do that, we lead with wholeness. We lead with care. We lead with light.

And I want to help build that world.

Thank you for tuning in to Episode 1 of my new show, Sage Advice. If something moved you, share it. If something landed, leave a review.

Episode 2 drops tomorrow.